Yesterday I wrote an article on the way children protect themselves from being disciplined by their parents. All of a sudden, one of the legs of the chair that I was sitting on fell off (the truth is that it wasnâ€™t the first time, so I really wasnâ€™t too surprised) and I automatically switched my weight to the opposite side of the chair so I wouldnâ€™t fall off. It then hit me like a bolt of lightningâ€¦. this is great method to keep my balance against the sharp â€œback- talkâ€ of my children!
Your self esteem is like the legs of a chair; it gives you strength and supports you. The more positive traits that you recognize in yourself; the stronger your support is and the less vulnerable you are.
One of the main ways that tweens and teens â€œget us off their backâ€ is that after we confront them about something they did, they snap back with a remark that hurts our self esteem. They say that WE are self centered, that WE think that we are â€œknow-it-allsâ€, or that WE have an anger problem. We then become defensive, lose our balance and, unfortunately, withdraw.
What occurred to me when my chair broke and I shifted my weight to the opposite of the side of the chair is that when your child attacks one of your weak points then you have to mentally â€œshift your weightâ€ to some other trait so you will keep your balance and be able to fulfill your duty of helping our children become healthy, happy, and productive adults.
For instance, if they call you self centered then you mentally rebound that you are loyal, honest, and truthful. If they say that you think that you know everything you mentally rebound that you are diligent, thorough, and fair. etc.
I admit that it takes work to recognize our own positive traits, but it is surely worth the effort. Believe me, itâ€™s no fun having a chair collapse under you!